K.L.A.M. RADIO 109.5 FM Station Managers Larry and Jerry Frumkin
5-9 am - TOPICAL in the Mornings with Ricki and Stacy:
Join Ricki and Stacy, two pals of indeterminate genders as they host their recklessly enthusiastic morning radio show. As you might guess, they are talking about what's topical and announcing the latest winner of a Topical Cruise on Topical Tuesday. This morning pot of KLAM is brought to you by Topical ointments.
9-10 am - Gabbin’ Gals:
Melinda, Gladys, and Joyce are three sassy women talkin' sports. Voiced by men. The gabbin gals really know their stuff and also feast their eyes on the sports butts of the world. These three San Ranchito women aren’t shy about their opinions!
10 am-12 pm - ONE America with Post-Race Ray:
One America, is hosted by self-appointed local big shot Ray, some folks call him Post-Race Ray. Ray takes calls and discusses local race dynamics from his unbelievably short-sided “liberal” political stance.
12-1 pm - Video Journeys
Join local film buff, Phyllis McGillicuddy and her granddaughter Lenae as they review some of film’s finest confections rented from the local video store - Titletown Videos, Ice Creams, and Massages. Phyllis rates each film with a unique bouquet of flowers.
1-3 pm - Let the Men Talk:
Ever thought that men just don’t have a voice in the country? Are you concerned about the incursion of the “f” word into popular discourse? Join Richard “Big Dick” Johnson, voiced by a woman, and his cronies as they loudly carve space for their anger to be heard.
3-5 pm - Stagnant Air:
Veteran interviewer Molly Blech interviews local and worldwide celebrities. She sits down with local music legend, Dirty Earl Magnum to discuss his life and career.
5-5:30 Jerry’s Evening News:
Join KLAM’s nighttime manager Jerry Frumkin as he reads the headlines ripped straight from today’s Llorona Tribune.
5-9 pm - Cordelia:
Cordelia is here to listen 5 nights a week. She lends a sympathetic ear to those struggling with matters of the heart and then selects a wildly inappropriate metal song to fulfill the callers dedications. Join Cordelia on Sunday mornings for brunch at Fettitini’s, you’ll find her sipping a world famous Fettitini Martini and jamming out with her KLAM out.
9pm-12 am - Into the Night:
Classical music guru Leonard Grapentine takes San Ranchito into the night, classical style. His encyclopedic knowledge of all the Baroque hits is only interrupted by his uninspired reading of the mandatory ads for the station’s underwriter the FABULOUS Dry Arroyo Casino and that unbeatable buffet deal: UNLIMITED CLAMS.
12-1 am - The Doctor is Really In:
Want to get to bottom of that bump on your left pinky toe? Don’t worry. It’s probably cancer! Call up Rich Perlag and share your symptoms, real and imagined, and participate in San Ranchito’s hour of insane Perlag-ian diagnoses. This program is sponsored by DocsforReal.com
1-1:30 AM - Help Me Rhoda:
Join local beauty expert Rhoda of Rhoda Rouge as she makes over San Ranchito’s movers and shakers in her pink RV, Dolores.
1:30-3 am - DJ Molson Ice and the Ice Men:
CSU Ranchito junior and San Ranchito’s mashup master, Molson Ice only got this program because his hip uncles, Jerry and Larry manage the radio station. His pals, the Icemen, really want to nerd out about their favored bands and moments in musical history, whereas Molson Ice wants a platform for those mashups he’s been crafting in his dorm room.
3-5 am - The Truth EXPOSED
Bearded and hatted mystery man, broadcasting from his bunker in an undisclosed location, shares his latest apocalyptic and conspiratorial conjectures. Fellow conspiracy theorists are invited call in and commune with our host who requests to remain anonymous. This program is generously sponsored by Crystals Crystals.
5-6 am - Cliff’s Morning Zoo:
San Ranchito’s excessively zany solo morning zoo artist, Heathcliff Collins, used to be the regular morning DJ until KLAM radio got a few too many complaints and Cliff was relegated to Saturday at the crack of dawn. You’ll find Cliff enthusiastically loitering at Grocerytown to celebrate national prune day.
6-8 am - Inner Perspectives with Hortense Pennywell:
Local intuitive Hortense Pennywell is well versed in the arts of spirit communication, angel healings, grease stain readings, old fashioned advice, and much more. Ms. Pennywell does house calls and takes calls.
8-10 am - Jill’s Book Club:
Local gossip Jill Flanagan hosts a book club each Sunday at her business, the Wake & Bake - a combination coffeeshop and tanning salon. Tune in to hear Jill and her gang of regulars discuss the finer points of literature - or more likely the latest town gossip - over steaming mugs of coffee and glowing UV beds.
10-10:30 am - SO…
CSU San Ranchito’s radio show about local and regional art. Hosted by two hip, young art professors Caitlin Cassidy and Melanie Douchebag.
10:30 am-11:30 am - I Love that Dish:
Local food eating woman eats food and loves it all. Sometimes, if she’s feeling daring, she’ll try something “different.”
11:30 am-12:30 pm - Travel with Taste:
Local socialite, Lydia Douchebag, takes you on a journey to some of the world’s farthest corners with the utmost elegance and class - giving helpful tips for excursions, accommodations, fine dining and amusements for affluent listeners. Her grandson, Nathaniel Lee Jason Douchebag - a globe-trotting free spirit - provides content for the budget-minded listener with his “Bargain Traveller” segment.
12:30-2 pm - Pledgin’ Time:
KLAM 109.5’s weekly pledge drive! Full of wild promotions, passionate testimonials, and lots of yelling.
2-6 pm - Foley Players::
The Foley Players serves up old timey radio drama heavy on sound effects and the overblown poetry of the local desert landscape and its heroic people.
6-8 pm - Mime Time
Mime Time is San Ranchito’s primetime Saturday night program offering salacious accounts of ventriloquism, mimery, dog tricks, modern dance, sleight of hand and more.